CHAPTERS

I'm calling this blog chapters.  I feel like that is what life is like---chapters.  Always changing, with new stories to come.  Dean had a CT Scan and it wasn't great----but it is....what it is.

They saw a spot on his kidney & another organ (cysts they "think").  He has an enlarged spleen.  The spleen is what filters your blood.  His is clogged, and they could eventually have to take it out which will live him even more immune compromised.  He some enlarged lymph nodes, and his white count is growing.  Oh, and he also has an adominal aneurysm.  Acturally this is the scariest thing to me, because if it reaches 6 cm or more it will burst and kill him (painfully).  His is only 2.8, so will continue to have tests to check it size.  Next month he is having an MRI.  I hope after that they stick to ultra-sounds for most of the testing because it's good and not invasive.  Too much dye in the veins can kill the kidneys!

As horrible as all of this is---we are "LIVING".  He is mostly well at present, and feeling pretty good.  We are all going to die sometime (even though in our secret hearts, we're pretty sure it's NOT going to happen to US).  He's going to be 67 in January.  I've told him I'm not through with him yet, and he has to stick around for awhile.  We agreed that is a good thing.  

We are looking forward to going to Branson with our friends on Nov 1 for a week of seeing shows, and having fun playing cards and dominoes.  We will also have our 43rd Anniversary (Nov 5th).  We are still very much in love, and I know we will have a good time.  So, that's what's happening in this chapter!

Good Night Gracie.

PAINTING

The past two days have been very busy with painting.  Sherri, Brian, and kiddos came over to paing our dining area, living room, and hallway.  The old color was a seafoam green, and the new color is stuart gold----very different.  I'm not a good painter b/c I was never allowed to paint (b/c my husband is so good).   I did get to paint at my brother's house a couple of times b/c he wasn't so picky.  Well, now that Dean is disabled, he's decided I can paint, only I suck at it.  Lot's of tension around our house the past 2 days.  The good news is, Sherri and Brian, and 3 of their kids all know how to paint and even enjoy painting.  So they were a HUGE help.  I got wet clothes for drips, got stuff, checked on Caleb, and even did some "cutting in".  Also, I did 90% of the pre-work, in packing and moving stuff around.  Tomorrow is the last coat of paint.  Whew!!!!   My thanks to my kids and kiddos who helped so much and did such a wonderful job.  I did take them out for good meals everyday, and will do so again tomorrow.

Dean & I have never worked well together at projects.  I don't know why.  I'm sure someone could analyze it.  I work very well with Sherri and other people, but not him.  Oh well.  You don't have to do everything together, right.  I'm tired.  Think I'll go relax.  If any Karps read this.......Thanks again, and again!!!!!  x0x0

LYNN THINKING & WRITING

Two of the reasons I haven't been "blogging" so much is first:  Face Book.  It takes a lot of time, and you get instant gratification, sort of, to what you post.  It takes too MUCH time tho.  The 2nd reason is, it's been a hard year, and I didn't want to a "whiner" about it.  

So much has happened this year.  I have gone through a lot of different stages like Helen Kubler Ross says about DEATH & DIEING, and more to come, or maybe all over again.  I have just come to the "acceptance" sort-of, that I'm living with a man who has a terminal illness.  Also I have to deal what he is thinking.  And I don't tell him all that I know.


All sorts of things surprised and shocked me this year and some of them were:  He got pneumonis REALLY quick, was hospitalized and came home & was on oxygen for 2 more weeks.  After a brief period of wellness he then got sever shingles, and then pink-eye.  It has dawned on me.....finally....that I have to be greatful for the well times, and this is going to keep happening.  His white-cell "lymphocite" count continues to rise and crowd out the good while cells.  His immune system is crappy.  He is progressing in this disease.  

I was terrified for awhile, then accepted it, then got angry.  I was mad at him cause he can't do all the things he always has, and can't work in the workshop & make things, and build things like I always thought he would at this stage of our life.  It really made me mad. We just went on a long road-trip, 20 days, and he did the driving, thankfully.  But I did all the packing and most of the hauling in and out of stuff, and I have gradually been taking over more and more of stuff at home.  It both scares me and makes me mad.  This is not what I thought I signed up for.  But I did.  I said "for better or worse."  And I'm so very very thankful he is here.  I do everything in my power to make sure he is well, and ask all the questions of the doctors, and do the research on the internet to get more info.

So sometimes I feel AWFUl for being mad, and scared.....and thankful.  Stress.  Yes that's what it's been like.  So like I said.....it's dawning on me finally that this IS our life, and how it's going to be.  So I'm learning to be happy in our new "normal" and greatful that I am still healthy enough to be able to take over more, and do whatever he needs done.  We've spending a lot of time at the VA this year.  He just got checked out for a possible blod clot in his leg (negative).  Now he has to have CT scans to check out his lymph nodes.  No problem.  

So that's why I haven't been writing.  I'm learning a new chapter has begun in our life.  I think I have gone through most of the anger.  I love him dearly, and really really want him here as long as possible.  He is the other half of me.  I don't feel like I can exist without him.  Who loves me like he does?  The truth.....no one.   Don't pity me.  This is just what it is.  Every day people go through this and this is life.  It is what it IS.  

I'm still learning.......and I've always thought it's on on-going process forever.  I still think that.  Today is a good day.  I love that.  So, I will try to write more, and think more postive thoughts.......Such is life.

I'M STILL HERE

Gee, I haven't blogged in awhile. It was a wild & crazy summer. Dean was sick a lot. Pneumonia in April, then shingles in July, then foot fungus (yuck), then pink-eye in August. Now it's October. He's healed from everything except he still big purple spots where the shingles were, and one leg keeps swelling, and he has post-somethingorother neurological pain in his foot. And so it goes......

Brian came back from China, and is going again next month. In fact he will be gone for most of November his birthday month (40!!!!). But will be home for the holidays. What an education he is getting!

We went on our trip although we did not make it quite all the way. We went to OHIO to see John & Rachael (our oldest son), and the campus where John is getting his Masters in Fine Arts. 9th oldest public institution in the nation, and just a gorgeous town, and campus. They are in the foothills of the Appalachians, and so it's just so beautiful there.

Then went to N. Carolina to see youngest son James, whose wife is in the army at Ft. Bragg. Lexi, our grand daughter got sick same day we got there and we thought we'd have to stay in a hotel, but it was her appendix, and her 10th Birthday!!!!! She will never for it, and we got to stay and enjoy the the kiddos cause she was not contagious!! Shortly after we left Trixy was in a car accident, and rolled their van with Lexi and R. J. in it. Trixy was the most hurt, but they are all ok. And now we found out Trixy is being deployed in December to Afghanistan!!! :-( It will be hard for all of them.

Then we went to visit our Tampa friends Grady & Lyanne, and also some relatives in Spring Hill, Florida. We had a great time there-----but the weather was hot and muggy!!! Can't believe we lived there for 10 years. We did have a good time tho.

Then we went to visit my brother Rick & wife Deb in Gulfport, Mississippi. That was really fun. We even went to the casino one night. Didn't win or lose, just had fun. We were supposed to go on to Shreveport, but my niece and her daughter weren't feeling well, and we were EXHAUSTED as it was almost 20 days for us on the road! We did do it slow, staying in a hotel between each stop, even the short 8 hour ones, so we could just rest and lay down! Dean get better on the way, and we just had a great time-----except the last 2 days of driving home when were a little "snarly" at each other!

When we got home we were met by Sherri and the grandkids with birthday presents for me, and lots of hugs and kisses. That was the BEST!!!

So, now we are home, and guess who got sick? ME! Just sore throat cold thing, but glad it didn't happen on the trip. Now, I'm moving things around to paint albeit slowly. Finally going to get rid of this "foam green" that I loved when we moved in 10 years ago!!!

So that's it for now........Good Night Gracie......