THOUGHT ABOUT MY MOM

When I was born my mom was only a little under 17 yrs. older than me. We were destined to become "rivals" not by my choice. I remember when I was a "tween" watching her put on make-up and thinking-----"not me---I'll never do that". She was beautiful, and a C & W singer in my dad's band. She had a beautiful voice and looked like a movie star. Everyone loved her singing, and she even made a record once with the band. She played guitar also, and was always a "hit" at the many parties at our home and others. (My dad played accordian).

She had difficulty nurturing, and I now suspect had problems with depression. But in those days----you never spoke about it. Between the ages of 16 and 30 my mom had 5 live births, one stillborn baby, and 7 D & C's. Then she had a hysterectomy. I was 13 when this happened. Because my personality was more like my Dad's we got along better, and my mom resented this. I never understood all of the physical problems she was going through at the time. My job was to take care of the kids.

I remember resenting her because she wore mini-skirts and "gogo" boots and had her hair done every week into big beehives for performing in the band. I didn't think it was right that she try and look like "younger" people. She was 30!!! And my mom. Plus I had to stay home and baby-sit.

When she and I got older we became friends of a sort. Her social life was always most important to her----while I became a mom and a wife and learned to do all the things she didn't do, like crocheting, knitting, embroidery, needlepoint. I went to all my kids activities at school and tryed so hard NOT to be like her. Then when my kids grew older and left home, my husband and I moved to Florida (for work) and lived closer to my folks. My mom was so very happy to have me there and was hoping for a fabulous freindship and companion. I failed her. I was nothing like her I thought, and didn't want to do all the socializing things she did. Although we did shop, and play cards and I'm very grateful for that and that we did have that time together. When my daughter moved to be near me, I turned all of my attention to her and preferred spending time with her and her babies when they came along. My mom always resented this.

By this time she didn't play in the band anymore, and sad to say had become a very funtioning alchoholic (we never EVER talked about this in the family) and she had several other health problems. We had many many family functions where she attended but didn't stay long because alchohol was not the main attraction. My dad was the classic "enabler".

When my mom got sick they had moved back to Michigan full-time, and somehow she knew her time was short. We had an argument over something I now forget. She had a heart attack in December of 2001 and I flew or drove there 6 times over a period of 4 months and stayed several weeks each time until she died on May 5, 2002. I tried and tried to reconcile fully with my mom over all these weeks----and to have some good talks with her. It didn't happen. She was bitter about dieing, and wasn't always nice to me. She did say she would really miss not seeing the girls (Katie & Bekah) grow up.

Sometimes when I pass a mirror I see my mom staring back at me with a knowing look in her eyes. She knows I understand everything better now.....life......her. I wish I could tell her that.
But maybe she knows.

MUDDLEING THROUGH

life's little crises can be so irritating! When my youngest son James moved away from this area a few months ago, he adverdently messed up our mail. When he filled out the change-of-address form he marked the little box that said "whole family"!!! Thinking of course---HIS whole family, forgetting that his mom & dad still lived at this address. Chaos!!! We've been having trouble ever since.

At first our mail & BILLS went there, and he sent them back. Then some of OUR mail started going to him with HIS address (N. Carolina) on it. Bills were late b/c we didn't GET them, and lots of phone calls had to be made to various people. We are STILL having problems with this. I just want to scream! Last month I had to pay extra money----almost $20 ea. for the "service" of paying our bills on time OVER THE PHONE and I did it early so as NOT to have a late fee.... Yes, they charge for this----but I didn't want a late fee. Only they neglected to follow through on one of them, and so I got the late fee AND was then overdue!!! I had to call the "dispute" center and explain all of what happened and they THEY DID NOT FOLLOW THROUGH ON THEIR END!........... You can see I'm exasperated..... It's supposed to be "fixed" now, and all late charges taken off.

I think I even talked to India once during all these transactions.

My goal this year is to a pay off my credit card (I only have 1 with a balance) and then use it only for convenience with NO balance carried......EVER!

So sayeth Lynn.......

OH THE DAYS DWINDLE DOWN....

...TO A PRECIOUS FEW.....November....(song)

I think in music---ok, MARLEY & ME was a great book, and I think it will be a good movie. I really enjoyed it. It's great if you have pets, and even if you don't. Me---a non-cryer, cried (yes I did) reading this book. Really really good.

THE WEDNESDAY LETTERS by Jason F. Wright is a "fluff: book. If you like Nicholas Sparks, you will probably like this one. This is about a couple who coincidently die at the same time. When the kids come home, they find thousands of letters the Dad wrote to the Mom every Wednesday throughout their life. They all discover secrets that on one knew about their parents, and their family...... A good easy read.

Right now I'm reading another Jodi Picoult----very unlike the only other one I've read by her. I hope I like it as well as I did the other one. What I'm NOT doing is reading the book I'm supposed to be reading for Library Book Club: The Secret Life Of Owen Meany by John Irving. I tried several times to get into this book and as rare as it is for me-----I couldn't do it!! So I will have to pass on this one. If anyone out there has read it??? Let me know and tell me about it.

So Halloween is over (see pictures on my facebook!) and Thanksgiving is coming. I love fall. I love the holidays. I feel happy allllll the time.

OH----We had our Saints Day Party at church, and Katie wanted to dress up at the last minute, so she put together a costume to be St. Katherine. Sherri got out an old felt costume she had made previously for Noah, and adapted it for Caleb (the only other kiddo who wanted to dress up). They did discuss the Saints they were being, but she cautioned them they wouldn't win. She didn't even stay at the party to hear who did win, as she had to take Noah to be in his play (everyone should go see this play at JBU). 5 Judges all interviewed each child asking lots of questions about "who" they were (Saint-wise). So they called 4th place which I did think he had a chance at---then 3rd, 2nd, and yes----he won 1st Place and $50.00 and more importantly, a blue ribbon. He was so excited. Luckily I got pictures. Katie was indignant, as she pointed out---he doesn't even know how to SPEND $50.00!!!

FACEBOOK

OK---this is new to me. My granddaughter Bekah set this up for me, and I am learning how to use it. WOW! There's a LOT more people on facebook than I ever thought, and more communication than blogs bring.

I found lots of people I know, and it's interesting to view all the pictures and see what's happening. Plus I now can IM on facebook. Goodness Gracious! I love it. But Dean says between blogging, email, and now facebook (and don't forget the games I love) I will be on the computer all the time! Ha!

Anyway, you are NEVER too old to learn----and I love it!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERRI

39 Years ago (back in the "olden" days) I had just turned 21 and pg. I was in the hospital in Cheyanne, Wyoming, and terribly missing the 14 month old little boy I had at home (John). This (the 23rd) was my 4th day in the hospital because I had toxemia. I had lost 10 lbs. of water, and was still losing and the Dr. said I could not go home that day. The baby wasn't due for another 2 weeks.

I called Dean crying because I couldn't go home. We were in the military & he was home taking care of the baby (John). He said "well why don't you just have the baby while you are there." Right. I again was talking to him at noon and had a sharp pain that surprised me. About 5 min. later I had another one. He told me to get the Dr. but I didn't. I kept having to go to the bathroom, and about the 3rd time I got up the nurse, seeing me go by, asked me what was up. I told her I had a few pains. Her answer was: well we don't check you with your first pains!

After going to the bathroom yet again, she reluctantly did a check and I was dialated to 8. She rushed me into the waiting area by the delivery room, and the Dr. barely made it up to deliver Sherri Lynn. ( Total time from first pain to delivery----1 hour and 23 minutes.) Remember-----I was in the hospital for 4 days, and he was downstairs doing clinic hours. She weighed 7 lbs. 12 oz and had a head of black hair. Her Dad didn't make it til later in the day, as he had to find a babysitter for John. I had already gotten up, and taken a shower, and set my hair! I felt wonderful!!

I had her on a Thursday, and I finally got to go home on Sunday! So then I had a newborn and a 14 mo. old. to take care of. I loved it!

Nine months later her Dad went to Viet Nam, but that's another story.

She is my only daughter, and has been the joy of my life. We've always been friends I think, and I never talked down to her when she was young. I've always included her in everything that has gone on in my life, and I feel truely blessed to be her mother. I don't know what I did to deserve this wonderful person I call my daughter.

She's very bright and was in the "gifted program" at school. Her IQ was measured at over 143. She plays music. She is artistic. She is articulate. She is a wonderful mother, sister, daughter and wife. She is kind beyond belief and has a generosity of spirit that inspires me. She has patience with me and my A-personality and forgives me when I am cranky. She gets along with everyone in our immediate family and our extended family. I love her with all my heart. Thank you God for giving me this wonderful person to be my daughter.

Happy Birthday Sherri.

MERCY

By Judi Picoult was an excellent book. Has anyone else read this author??? She is new to me, as I don't read a lot of fiction, but I just loved this 1st book I read by her. I plan to read more. This asks the question----if your loved one was terminally ill, and in a lot of pain, would you put them out of their misery if they asked you to??? Remember they are in LOTS of pain???

Another question this books asks is who loves more in a marriage?? If you caught your spouse cheating, would you take them back?? If you cheated-----and really really loved the person you were with, but also loved your spouse (who was NOT your soulmate) would you stay in the marriage b/c it's the right thing to do-------or leave everything to go with your soulmate??

Very interesting questions and very good book. I can't wait to read another one by her. If anyone reading this has read her, tell me if you liked her books and what you read.

IT'S LATE AT NIGHT.....

and I just got through reading all my friends blogs. It's always interesting to hear what everyone is doing and I care very much about each and every one of the people whose blogs I read. One of the things I personally like about blogs is that I think we reveal more of our "true/authentic" selves when we write. This is a good thing. It doesn't matter what we are writing about------it just comes through. Also, it gives me a chance to pray individually and specifically for those who need it.

We played cards and dominoes tonight with our Flint Ridge friends, and then came home to peace and quiet. We had Bekah spend the night last night, and we loved having her. When she got up this morning she came into bed with me to snuggle. I LOVED it. I can't believe she still does this at 14!! I didn't go near my parents at that age, and sadly they never hugged let alone snuggled! So I always feel blessed and happy that my grandkids like to be with me, and sit on my lap and spend time with me.

The weather is getting cooler, and I love it. LOVE IT! I feel like dancing and singing when fall weather comes. I am a FALL PERSON----red/orange/yellow.

Off to bed......I have to get up early for church. We are going to mass at a monestery tomorrow, and that will be a fun adventure.